I rushed home, changed into my yoga gear and put on a random yoga video to start my practice. I had fun. I just enjoyed the movement and really focused on my breath. It energized me. I was so tired (when I got home from my 12 hr shift) but as soon as I rooted my toes into my mat for the first mountain pose I felt great and alive.
I met up with a good, long time friend tonight for a pint. It was wonderful to see him. We have a funny, very complicated past but I can say that he is a solid friend. He has been very patient with me in the last few years and I have helped him also. It is nice that we both bring something to the friendship. In the last few years we have never been balanced at the same time. Tonight we were both balanced and it was great. Hanging out like old friends, just being kids, just being ourselves, just enjoying the moment.
Part of our recent history has been about some jealousy on my behalf. He has always been there as my solid friend. About a year and half ago I noticed the there was a shift in the time he spent with me. A big part is that he was secret about where he was spending his time. This bothered me as our relationship had always been the brutally honest type. I put two and two together(finally), realizing he had a new friend in his life and was spending the time with her. Not that we were in a romantic relationship but I still felt like she was stealing him away. In retrospect, I ended up pushing him away. Every time we would hang out I would close up, not want to hear about what was going on in his life, ultimately pushing him closer to the other person.
Tonight, I feel like I understand abhyasa, or practice. Abhyasa refers not only to yogic practice but also to the attitude with which a practice is approached. See, my friend and I had developed a friendship after we both experienced trauma in our lives. We both made a pact to help each other find our true selves and to support the other person. We made a pact to be that sounding board for each other. When a life situation came up we would say, "Is this you, is this what you want, is this what makes YOU happy, is this WHO YOU ARE?" The best part of this pact was that there was no judgement on what the decision was, just to let the other person talk it out. I am so proud of my friend. Over the past 4 years I have seen him develop into the person he wanted to be. I have seen that he is living the life that brings him peace. There are still things he wants to work on and things that will come up in his life, but he is committed unconditionally to who he is.
I realized this in myself tonight as well. It would have been very easy to have hung out forever just like the old days. But he was in a particular situation that required him to be a good friend to this other girl. I could have very easily drifted back into the old me and felt hurt and jealous and closed up. Maybe even tried to convince him to hang out with me longer.
Because of my practice, I'm learning to let go, I'm learning to be present NOW! I'm learning to see the world as it really is. This allows me compassion, and openness so my friend could do what he needed to do for his own self discovery. Through this act I feel so happy. I feel a healthy heart. I am excited to have experienced this amazing life lesson for what is really is. There are no voices pulling my mind in different directions, trying to tell me that I did the wrong thing, or trying to work out other scenarios.
That is what happened, those were the decisions I made and I'm happy with them. I'm happy because I used the skills from my mat in my life. I was present and saw life as it really is.
Even though these home practices have been great, I'm excited to get into the studio tomorrow.
Namaste
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